My childhood was pretty normal. I lived with my Mom, my Dad and two older brothers, Mark – 5 years older, and Mike – 4 years older. My Dad worked at the local aluminum manufacturing plant called Alcan which employed him for 40+ years. Hockey was our main sport always… lots of traveling, hotel shenanigans and dinners out! What a great way to grow up, right? Yes! It was! And I have no complaints.
But in my early years a bit and in my teen years more this little thing called “anxiety” showed up. I felt it around unknown people or situations. I felt it under pressure of tests and grades and performance of course.
This photo was taken when I was in 2nd grade, 1979. But the performance I remember and dread was in the 4th grade. I was playing the clarinet. Why I chose it? I do not know. But here’s a funny fact…. I still own one. It’s in my hope chest. Hilarious, right?
Anyhow…. I was about to go on stage for my performance and I broke, I cried, I was scared, I did not want to go out and do my chosen song which by the way was “Eye of the Tiger” because I had two older brothers and knew what Rocky was all about. But I was dragging my feet… not wanting to go… but I did…eventually after some pep talk from my music teacher and my Mom.
So I did my song, the song I probably did not practice properly because I had no idea what was coming but I did it. And when I asked a friend how I did… her answer was. “you did ok except for the high notes” – nice.. thanks friend.. love ya, mean it. pthththththth!
Anyhow let me get to the point here!
I suffered from anxiety for many years of my life. I always felt different. I never wanted to let anyone “in” for fear that they would not understand.
Here is my question and I will delve deeper later but… how much of this behavior is due to genetics? how much is due to upbringing and how much is due to toxic substances in our bodies?
Do you want to know? Because I sure do! Follow me for more info, more research, more insights!